brownielady

never thought it was your fault sorry if it sound like it did lol but i know i consciously did what you had wanted all along i still kinda miss you and stuff but ill repress it soon and everything should be fine for a couple years but anyway yeah bye i guess txt whenever i dont really care this prolly sounds all wrong to what i want to say cuz im not all too competent at four thirty but whatever im just gonna say what i keep trying to ignore my head saying... dont take any of this to heart or any of it seriously i just feel like saying it all before i forget about all of this like i make myself do to everything that hurts a little....



i miss you, idk what you were to me but i hope i never encounter it again it hurts and its scary just like everything else that involves feelings i really am sorry you came in second but  idk i dont even have an explination for that i hate acting like i dont care i have repressing things but its the only way i get by im lonely and i hate it but that will pass too and ill get used to it like i did before when i was lonely i really do like talking to oypu and i think you dont like taalking to me which is why im such a bitch on the phone all the time i feel like a pathetic worthless piece of shit every time i talk to you because im not keeping up with dropping you like i said to myself i would i am a worthless piece of shit for even telling you this for even expressing my emotions so blatantly like this im weak, but im going to harden my shell again and i hope that nobody ever breaks into it again im not telling anybody anything else about me anymore and i seem happy but i feel hollow and discontent i realized how small and insignificant i am when you replaced me so quickly thats why it bothered me so much im glad you have somebody im just being a selfish cunt idk what im going to do with my life i think im going to leave the country for a while in an exchange program because i need a bigger distraction my usual ways dont work anymore im horrible pathetic and i really just want somebody to hold me like they care because no one does that anymore to anyone and its sad but im worthless for wanting it idk why i need it so bad i never had it before but now late at night its all i want and i dont know how to make it go away im letting my emotions get to me man and its too much  i dont like it and i want them to go away again i just  want my life to go back to they way it was but i know it wont so yeah before i tell you more shit i dont want you to knw but my head wont shut up about i guess ill say bye again just know im not a total self\ish cunt i did care ill prolly miss u for a while but i can make it go away i can make anything go away... till then ill keep trying to figure out why you affect me so much...